imagine if bronies had a huge say in the cartoon industry and like, shows like my little pony but with openly sexual ponies were being produced. thats what miyazaki is talking about when he says the anime industry is full of otaku. miyazaki dedicated his life to making heartwarming anime films for little kids, the anime industry is full of lolicons, do u expect him to be happy about that
Why I love Miyazaki tbh
So I have a problem, and its that my anxiety is sometimes effected by others anxiety
Let me explain….
I was actually diagnosed with an anxiety disorder by my doctor when I was in middle school. My mother thought that calling it a disorder was completely silly, so she chose to ignore what the doc had said and told me for years to just “suck it up”. Since my anxiety kicks in when I feel that I am being a bother to someone or have hurt someone in some way, this wasn’t necessarily that easy of a thing to do. Even today, she still thinks that it’s not a disorder, even though her husband deals with it, her step mother deals with it, and her son. (This is definitely from my dad side of the family so she’s never had to deal with anything like this).
Anyways, back to the problem I seem to be facing….I completely understand when people need space or when someone needs to just not have any physical contact. Its a way of coping with whatever issue that they’re dealing with. The problem is that when whenever a hug is rejected, or a comforting hand on the shoulder is violently shrugged off because it’s too much for them, it sets my anxiety off. I’m logical enough to process that I am most likely not the problem, but my mind still runs through every possible way it could be, I get nauseous and tense (usually around the shoulder area which makes me hunch slightly), my mood from then on is a lot more haywire, i’m no longer am able to sleep without nightmares about that person telling me that i’m the scum of the earth, and if I’m still with that person for more than ten minutes, I’ll usually start sucking up into an emotionless daze, because if I don’t say or do anything possibly insulting, maybe that’ll make things better (I know that’d stupid but that’s what I literally do and it sucks and becomes really awkward for the other person which usually makes things ten times worse). That will continue until that person who unwittingly set it off gives me a hug or puts a hand on my shoulder (yes my way of coping is through touch, not distance). Sometimes I’m lucky and the issues is resolved within the hour. Other times….it lasts for a week or two, depending if I see the person again. Its worse with strangers, cause who knows if you’ll ever bump into them again, and the last thing you might have said could have really hurt them and you’ll never have the chance to apologize to them and….its just a rabbit hole of worry from there. Right now the only reason I’m up is because when I was talking with a friend recently, they made a very obvious “don’t touch me” move when I was motioning to their hair, even though I wasn’t going to touch it. Its stupid stuff like that that keeps me up at night, laying here feeling like I’m gonna barf, wondering if I offended them some way, even though I’m pretty sure I didn’t. But you never know, and that’s why I’m writing this all down..in hopes that getting my thoughts out will give me some peace of mind…probably not. But its worth a shot. I just hope I see that person again so I can feel normal again….